For the past five years, I have been single. Wearing black was my armor, to protect me, my heart, and to not let anyone in. But over that time, I learned how to be in a relationship with myself, how to love myself and not rely on anyone else to make me feel whole. I was scared that I would never find someone to love me unconditionally and one that I could love in return, as it takes a lot to be 'my person' and I am very picky. Plus, there is that whole chemistry thing. I was terrified that I would never have those feelings of love, and that I would never find another soul mate, but I was wrong. I manifested him, and the next day he appeared.
You see, it was the week of love, and I had met with my therapist, spiritual guide, and hypnotherapist to make sure I was open and ready for love to come in. I had put in the work over the last several years and was finally ready to give myself to someone once again because I wanted the real thing. Well, the Friday before Valentine's Day, I was in Piazza Repubblica, where the carousel spins in Firenze and was Facetiming my daughter when this gorgeous man walked into the glass encased bar that I was sitting in and sat down directly behind me. I could feel his presence. Then the couple next to me left, and he came to take their spot.
We made eyes a few times and I thought, 'that is a really beautiful man.' And for any of you who know me, I have no problem going up to a beautiful man and telling him just so, and that was exactly what I was going to do. I was finishing my glass of prosecco and was going to go for a walk because I had been there for a while writing and having a late lunch and had an hour till my massage, but then he got up to go to the bathroom. (I later learned he was giving himself a pep talk to get the nerve to talk to me). Well, I had to pee too, so I thought that maybe I would see him on the way, but I didn't. But when I came out, he was standing right outside, smoking a cigarette.
I had picked up smoking cloves while I was here, and positioned myself right next to him and told him that he was a beautiful man. To which he replied, 'Wow, thank you, you a are a very beautiful woman.' I asked if he was single and he said 'yes,' and then he asked if I was single too. He then asked me for my name. I gave him my card and he said 'Master Cicerone?' And I said 'yes, I'm a life guide!' I also showed him my book and then he asked, 'Would you like to have a drink with me?'
Of course I said 'yes,' and we went back inside the bar. He asked what I did for a living and I said I used own a clothing store but it was destroyed in the riots, and I showed him the video of what happened. And he said, 'but what do you do now?' I said 'I help people find themselves and chase their dreams.' And he leaned over and kissed me. And not just a little kiss. I let out a yelp of some sort cause I was not expecting this and thought to myself 'the audacity of this man!' (which I kinda liked) and then I thought 'omg. he is such an amazing kisser- his lips, his tongue' and then I let go, leaned in, and kissed him right back. After what seemed like several minutes we finally released each other and red lipstick was everywhere and we were both holding our hearts. We were catching our breath when I realized I had to leave at that very moment to make my massage appointment, but I did not want to go.
I decided to reschedule my appointment, but then thought that was a really shitty thing to do to my massage therapist, so I pushed it back thirty minutes and told her I'd pay for the whole session so I did not have to exit the building precisely at that moment. It then dawned on me that I was about to give up my self care for this man I had just met. I told him I was not sacrificing my self care for him, but wanted to continue our conversation and so I invited him over for dinner that night. Since Italy was still on semi lock down, everything closed at 6 o'clock. He was surprised, but messaged me after my massage and came over for dinner.
After dinner we started making out again and the windows started fogging up, so I suggested we go outside to smoke and cool down. Pause. When I met with my hypnotherapist the day before, she asked what I wanted in a relationship. I said I wanted to dance in the streets and make out all the time; I want him to come up behind me and kiss me on my neck when I'm cooking; I want to go on long walks and have comfortable silences; I want a gentleman. More was said, but the point is when we went outside this man twirled and dipped me. There was no music playing.
This is only the beginning of our love story, and there so much more, but had I been too scared to approach him to tell him my thoughts, or afraid to kiss him back in public because everyone might be looking, or terrified to invite him to my house because you shouldn't have people over to your place that you just met, etc. I would not be here today, happier than ever, and completely in love... |
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